My sweet little girl turns 1, one week from today. ONE! How is this possible? It feels like I just found out I was pregnant. The feelings are all too real – there I am standing in the bathroom wondering if what I’m seeing is real. Am I really pregnant? I feel like I’m going to pass out, as I slowly walk down the hallway to the living room where Anthony is. I hand him the pregnancy test and make up something about how I think I have a fever – can he tell me what the “thermometer” says? He looks at it, at me, and back at the test again, “Really?” he asks, his eyes lighting up. I nod and smile. We are going to have a baby. Little did we know, that baby would arrive two months early and turn our lives upside down for a couple of months.
And here we are – almost one year after her shocking birth – getting ready to celebrate her first birthday. Where the hell did the time go? I remember her “slowly” getting stronger, more personality, her babyish features becoming less babyish, her growing bigger, more mobile, more happy to see me. I’ve told her numerous times to slow down, as I feel my baby becoming more independent.
Of course she didn’t listen. She turned four months. five months. six months…so on and so forth. Until we landed here. One week from her first birthday.
photo courtesy of t.Dow Photography
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want anyone to think that I’m not absolutely over the moon excited that I have a happy, adorable, and most importantly healthy little girl. I’m forever grateful and blessed for the little human she is turning into. I just wish that I could hit “pause” or even just slow things down a little. While I enjoy her deliciously rolly thighs, her gummy smile, and her sleepy snuggles.
We are going to gradually pass the threshold from baby to toddler. This past year has been full of so many firsts and just as I’ve mastered the art of “baby,” I’m now going to have to learn the art of “child/toddler.” This is an unknown territory. I don’t know how to do tantrums and attitudes. I don’t know how to do “mommy, I don’t feel like snuggling.”
This week is sure to be pure chaos, as I try to get everything done for Arabella’s birthday party. And with each gift I wrap, and every craft and treat I make, I feel my heart strings being tugged at. For at the end of this week, I’ll no longer have a “0” year old and I will weep – with both tears of joy and nostalgia.
xo, Jess
