Maybe it’s just because I’m a new mom, but the pressure to breast feed seems to be at an all-time high. I always knew I wanted to at least try breast feeding but nothing could have prepared me for how every single nurse, doctor, friend, stranger, colleague, article, etc was going to INSIST that I breastfeed my baby.
It was almost as if the instant my baby left my body, all of the hospital staff was up my rear-end about how “breast is best.” God forbid if anyone ask if you’re breastfeeding and you answer with anything but “of course!” So this is an open letter to all of those who feel the need to judge me as I pour formula into my baby’s bottle. To that mom/dad/doctor/nurse/”know-it-all”, here is what you don’t know as you pass judgment upon me as I feed MY BABY (not yours) formula:
- I tried. Like hell. My baby was born two months early, therefore she couldn’t go to the breast immediately. That didn’t stop me though.
- I pumped every two-three hours. I would get up twice in the middle of the night just to pump, in the dark, at a hotel, looking at a picture of my baby who was fighting for her life at the NICU. A couple of times I was left pumping in the hotel bathroom, in the middle of the night, because there were other people in the room with us.
- I would lose time visiting with my baby, just so I could sneak away to a “pump room,” trying to give my baby “the best”
- When the doctors started giving her breast milk, she coincidentally was having belly issues at the same time. Therefore, they took her off breast milk, and told me I had to go dairy free if I really wanted to breastfeed.
No problem.You try being 230 miles from your home, with no access to your own kitchen, to prepare your own meals. When every meal is made for you at a restaurant, you see how difficult it is to order something without dairy (EVERYTHING is prepared with dairy) Eating at IHOP, impossible…I will never forget when they had to clean the grill off to prepare my meal specially. After that, I pretty much stuck to fruit for breakfast. As hard as it was, I stuck with it. They eventually decided it wasn’t a milk allergy so I was able to resume my regular diet. Hallelujah! - When my baby was ready to “go to breast,” she wasn’t really ready…she was too little to latch on and wasn’t getting enough milk. At this point I was introduced to the ever-so-lovely Nipple Shields. (Don’t know what those are? Look ’em up) I felt like Madonna the first time I put those puppies on. But like everything else, I got over it…afterall, it helped my little babe get the nutrients she needed.
- When we got home with our baby, I never felt like she was getting enough, she would always cry for more food, leaving me feeling guilty. I eventually decided I would exclusively pump.
- Again, I lost time with my baby. I would be snuggling her but then had to put her down so I could pump (every 2-3 hours)
- I learned there is no shame in pumping in public. It wasn’t so easy the first time I did it, outside of a TGIFridays in Boston. I was mortified that someone might see me. Pfft, I got over that fast! It became ritual that everytime we went out, I would end up pumping in the Lowe’s parking lot. (God love my little family for waiting outside for 20 min with me so I could do this)
- Hands free pumping, have you ever hooked one of those things up to you? What a damn process (this strap hooks to your bra, this one and this one to your shirt…etc, etc, etc), and you’re stuck looking like a Transformer. However, it was good comic relief during those early days in Boston.
Arabella is now 4.5 months old and she was recently taken off breast milk AGAIN to try a new formula for her sensitive little belly. I’ve been pumping religiously ever since they started this new diet, 3 weeks ago. However, this past weekend I decided I’m done. After a long, exhausting road, I’ve finally opened my eyes and figured out maybe breast ISN’T best for my baby (and family)
I wish society would stop being so judgmental and worry more about their lives, instead of everyone elses. There is no ONE correct way to feed your baby. I think the only wrong way would be to not do your absolute best for your child.
I applaud all of you moms who breastfeed/pump…those who do it with ease and those who struggle, as I did. But I also applaud those moms who give their little ones formula. It’s no easy task to be “that mom” who gives her newest addition anything but breast milk. It’s not easy to go against societies views of what you must should do. Let’s stop looking at formula fed babies as “moms who failed to breastfeed.” Let’s stop feeling shame when we put formula into our little ones bottles. Let’s feel pride knowing we are doing what is best for our child.
xo, Jess
