Rewind two days, it’s 4 am and baby girl has woken up for a feeding. During these hours, my husband and I patter around the house, one making a bottle and one changing the babe; we hardly speak two words to eachother, as we’re both too exhausted. Generally, it’s a cordial “I’ll start warming the bottle, you grab Arabella.” But on this particular morning, the first words out of Anthony’s mouth were:
Do you remember going crazy again lastnight? I was so mad at you, you woke me up out of a dead sleep screaming at me!
Ahh, yes, of course I remembered. Nights like these are not uncommon anymore and I had decided not to even mention it this time but it was obvious we NEEDED to talk about it. Ever since we first brought Arabella home, a little over three months ago, I have what we shall call psychotic breakdowns episodes, where I wake up in the middle of the night convinced Anthony has rolled over our poor baby. Should I mention she hasn’t even been in our bed during these episodes.
Not once.
Unless you have experienced this yourself, you, like my husband, will probably find this to be insane. Hell, I find it insane. I half wake up and I’m convinced Arabella has been sleeping with us. I feel around the whole bed, move the covers, my pillows (the whole time racking my brain as to why I can’t find her) and then it hits me, Anthony has rolled over her! I actually had myself believing I could feel her poor limbs underneath his body the other night. Commence the screams!
At this point I was literally hitting and pushing my dear husband, yelling at him to get off the baby. Imagine his confusion, waking up out of a dead sleep, to a screaming wife who is pushing him and trying to “save” our daughter. Oh my lord. As if that isn’t bad enough, he starts yelling that he’s not on her and this only confused me more and I scream “where is she?”
Obviously my brain stops working when I go to sleep.
It took forever for Anthony to convince me that the baby was in her crib; and I was only truly convinced when I saw her on the baby monitor. Sorry, love.
So there we sat, at 4 am discussing my latest episode. God love my poor husband who laughs it off, all the while calling me crazy. After much discussion it was finally determined I need my head checked more sleep.
Have any other mommys/daddys experienced this? Am I losing my mind?
My tiny love, Arabella, sleeping in her favorite spot: a rug on her nursery floor
xo, Jess
I love it! Your are the greatest mom, and Anthony is the sweet daddy. keep this coming.I love you three.<3
Aww thanks, Bernice! 🙂 I’m hoping to keep up with this blog and keep posting all my daily thoughts, worries, and adventures.
sis, it happens to all of us. normal now ….. when logan was a baby he actually slept in bed with me and I constantly had “episodes” lol but all in all its just new mommy jitters. the constant worry never goes away I promise you that its like it automatically built in our minds. I still worry and he will be 14 next month, omg I cant believe it but its true. it will gradually stop the older she gets but just remember its completely normal your a great mom and Anthony is an amazing father… I love you guys xoxoxo
Thanks, Shina! Anthony thinks I’ve gone and lost my mind every time it happens haha. We always get a good laugh out of it the next day though. 😉 We loooove you!
Jess, great job on your first entry in your blog. Your so creative, I love you I look forward to reading all of your post.
Thank you for always having my back and supporting my ideas.
Also, thank you for never rolling over our daughter…despite my constant accusations. 😉
This has happened to me quite a few times.. Not the screaming, but the waking up and searching for my baby, who I’m convince IVE rolled on.
We’d both get up, like you and Anthony.. After realizing we were both sleep deprived, only one of us would at a time. Or we’d even alternate nights; “you get him all tonight, I get him all tomorrow”. It somewhat helps.
You’re such a great mama, your dreams are just wacky! 😉
It’s the worst feeling, isn’t it!? It’s amazing how many different thoughts can go through your mind in that moment that you’re searching for your baby. I guess it’s a good thing, though, that we’re so dedicated that our babies are always on our mind, even in dreamland. 😉
Maybe Anthony and I should try alternating nights, that’s one less zombie in the house. Haha.