You know, looking back, I never really saw myself having children. Perhaps it was because I was always told by doctors that I would never be able to have children or maybe it was because I was frightened of bringing a kid into this crazy world we live in. And the times I did think about having kids, I had this hair brained idea that they would be sweet and frankly…well behaved. I, myself, was extremely quiet growing up. I played by the rules. My mom likes to tell me how when my parents brought my sister and I out in public, everyone would comment on what good kids we were. I guess I sort of just assumed that’s how my kids would turn out. Must be genetic, right?
Wrong.
What I did get was an extremely strong willed, out spoken, rule breaking, back talking, fire spitting, button pushing daughter. Not what I expected. Now, if you’ve been blessed with a child who has these same characteristics, you can sympathize with me. How many times have you been told/read that your kid is going to someday be a leader?
Strong-willed children are often the most successful adults, who become leaders.
What kind of freaking leader am I supposedly raising? Because right now, the only leading she’s going to be doing is leading me right into an Assisted Living Home. My 3 year old is literally sucking the life right out of me. It’s so exhausting. So freaking exhausting. And because it’s so exhausting, I have to keep reminding myself the following.
- I am not a bad parent. It’s so easy to feel like you’re the worst parent on planet earth when you cannot get your child to listen to you. I have tried every voice of reason, every disciplinary tactic, and every rule in the book. Nothing works. I have fallen into the trap so many times of feeling like I have failed because I just can’t seem to win. It can be difficult to step back and see that despite it all, you’re giving this parenting thing 100% of yourself.
- The everyday battle is worth it. Even if I haven’t had my coffee yet. The yelling, the arguing, the battle of the wits…it all starts before I’ve even had my first cup of coffee in the morning. Sometimes it feels like the daily battle of getting Arabella to do ANYTHING that I want may just be the end of me. I’m not sure how many times you can fight with someone about going potty before school or what clothes they are going to wear. She wants to call the shots and she’s super independent and while it’s incredibly debilitating right now, I know someday those qualities are going to make her an amazing adult.
- Other peoples opinions don’t matter. Being out in public with a strong willed child is tough. People have their opinions and they aren’t necessarily nice. I’m sure these people think that if I only was a better mom, my child may behave better. It’s hard to tune the people out who glare at you or give disapproving looks as your kid throws a tantrum in the middle of TJ Maxx because they didn’t get their way. But at the end of the day, these people effect us none. nada. zilch.
- She is going to do epic things one day. As long as I have the ability to withstand the sassiness, the arguing, and the stress that comes along with raising a strong willed child, without trying to tame that beast inside in her, my kid has a pretty great chance of being a leader one day. She won’t be the girl who takes shit from the boys. She won’t let the other girls bully her. She won’t be walked all over in her career. It’s hard telling where that spit fire personality of hers will take her.
So hang in there, parents , if you have a child like mine. Don’t let them break your spirit and don’t you dare crush theirs. Hopefully you can find the balance that I’m trying to find with Arabella. Someday these kids will do great things…or so I’ve been told.
xo, Jess
