Recently, I was witness to a scene that made me cringe. A couple of young males, whom had just heard a story about a boy picking on a girl, each responded very similarly:
That means he likes her! My (insert relation) told me that when a boy is mean to a girl it means he really likes her.
Whether from your mom, dad, aunt, grandpa, neighbor, or teacher you have probably been told this numerous times throughout your life, as well. We are conditioned from a very young age to believe that when a young boy picks on a young girl it is a sign of affection. And I’ll be honest, I regretfully never really thought much about this statement until I had a daughter of my own. The thought of someone telling my child someday that a boy harassed, abused, or otherwise knowingly hurt her, verbally or physically, because he “likes her” makes me sick to my stomach.
Who along the way decided that we should start spreading this stupidity that being disrespected is a sign of affection? And who are the dumb-asses that said “oh my God, you’re right! We must tell everyone.” I’ll tell you what I think – I think someone didn’t have the heart to tell little “Susie” that the boy may have been mean to her because he doesn’t like her, in order to spare her feelings…thus setting her up for a lifetime of heartbreak. Not to mention, this “affection” only applies when it’s boys being mean to girls. I can guarantee if your little boy comes home and says that another boy told him he was stupid, pushed him, or stole his snack that you will NOT explain to him that little boy just wants to be his friend. You will never hear a parent say that about boy on boy bullying. Why is that? Because it’s NOT OK to endorse bullying, it’s not OK to make light of it, and it’s most certainly not OK to make it the norm.
I don’t want my little girl growing up thinking that she should seek out boys (and someday men) that belittle, disrespect, or abuse her. I need her to know that ANYBODY that loves her would never, ever hurt her. This applies to not only romantic relationships, but also friendships and family relations. Disrespect is never acceptable. It doesn’t matter if you’re a grown-ass woman or a little girl; you should never allow a male to treat you with anything but respect. We feed our children these lies and wonder why when those girls grow up, they don’t leave the men who put them down. On the other hand, we wonder why these men think their actions are justified. Not to say this is the whole problem, but we ARE teaching these young men that when they pick on a girl, it’s a sign of endearment. Hell, I heard it from the mouths of two little horses.
You can scour the internet and find articles that will “teach you” if he is picking on you or flirting with you. What? Grown-ass adults are writing articles targeted to other grown-ass adults to figure out if “that guy” being an asshole likes them or not. If a guy is being an asshole, why don’t we just leave it at that. I don’t know about you, but I’m not interested in any type of asshole – the “friendly” kind or otherwise. And I certainly don’t want my daughter to seek the attention of an asshole, either.
Here’s an idea: why don’t we start telling our youth that some possible signs a boy likes a girl include:
- Compliments
- Compassion
- A nice letter or drawing
- Gentleness
- Sharing his snack
Call me crazy but these all seem like much more genuine signs of endearment over hair pulling, name calling, stealing etc. So let’s stop the vicious lies we continue to tell our children about boys being mean to girls. And if you can’t stop, well, expect a huge “affectionate” chop to your throat, from yours truly. <3
xo, Jess
